Understand?

So there's a harsh truth that dawned on me.

We all have the natural craving for people to understand us, whether it's family, friends and/or colleagues. And often we get frustrated when we explain a situation to someone and they JUST DON'T GET IT!

Here's the problem and yes, it's a problem. Important note. It’s our problem and not the person who doesn't understand. Since most of us don't enjoy being told we're the problem, some people may not like that sentence and will stop reading while it will intrigue others and they will keep reading.

Why do I say it’s our problem?

It’s simple really; we all learn, perceive, and understand information differently. Something that might seem normal to us might be extremely uncomfortable for the next person.

So, while having an in-depth conversation with someone, I noticed something. It was both intriguing and annoying, but it was like reality slapped me in the face. The more I spoke, the more this person would say the words “I understand but…” or “I understand how you feel because…”. This made me wonder. Do you understand the situation or do you understand me (my opinion, two very different things)?

So I sort of started experimenting with insignificant or “non-important” conversations with different people and basically found the same result.

Because we crave understanding, we want people to share what we feel, and the problem with that is, we become frustratingly angry in certain instances when people “don't understand'' us, then blame them for not listening. When in actual fact, it has nothing to do with that person at all. It’s all about us.

Let me explain:

These are traits or shall I say, behaviours we all have and if you've ever done/said/felt one of this, this blog will make sense to you.

• go out partying and become reckless ''to let off steam''

• ask yourself, ' why did you do/say that'

• oh my goodness, how will I face that person again

• why does no-one understand me

• blame others for your anger/misery/frustration

• have spontaneous emotional breakdowns

• start fights out of thin air because you don't realize you've built up ''pressure''

If you, in any way, relate to one of the above or perhaps thought of something else that I haven't typed, then YOU/WE are the problem.

Whenever we have those days when there is so much going on in our heads that we cannot make sense of it. How can we expect others to?

After much thought, I came to this simple conclusion;

No-one will ever understand you or what you're going through in life and it’s simply unfair to expect them to. If you don’t understand yourself, how can others understand you?

I discovered that there is so much about me I don't completely understand and that might seem weird or crazy to some people, but it’s true.

If you take the time to just seriously look at your life and I mean seriously look/listen and pay attention to your own needs and how you see the world around you. You will get what I’m trying to say.

Just because you know how you will react in certain situations, does not mean you understand why you reacted that way. Because most of the time, the way we react to something is learnt behaviour to seem “normal”. (More on being “normal” in my blog so aptly named”.

So don't lower your expectations of people when it comes to understanding who you are. Cut out expectation completely.

Because until you understand you. No-one else will.