Demon Adaptation

When we were little, demons were the scary creatures we saw on tv programs. Even after our parents told us “this is a grown up movie with scary things in it, you can’t watch this” curiosity still got the better of us and we figured we were brave enough to handle it. Then after sneaking past the room with the tv to catch a glimpse (just as the universe would have it to teach us a lesson), the glimpse we got was this hideous creature with sharp teeth or nails that would haunt our dreams forever.

Needless to say, that night we lay wide awake knowing we couldn’t scream for help because we weren’t supposed to see the scary creature on the tv to begin with. So there we are lying awake in the dark, flinching at every sound with our hearts beating at a million miles per second. Some of us were brave and pushed through the fear and eventually fell asleep and some of us snuck into our parents’ bedroom and admitted to the mischievous behaviour just for the comfort and safety of a hug.

Eventually we outgrew those scary creatures in our dreams and become full-on teenagers that could conquer the world. Never showing fear because fear was for losers (not sure what idiot made that decree but that’s a whole other blog to write someday) and we were WAY too big for safety hugs now.

As teenagers we also learn there are no monsters under the bed or creatures in the closet, it’s all fake stories told by older siblings for the fuck of it or by a parent not wanting you to scratch under THEIR bed or in THEIR closet out of fear of you discovering some “buzzing toys” or “other”, let’s just leave it at other.

Though, when we learn to ignore monsters and creatures as, simply stories that are told.

NOBODY PREPARES US FOR THE GUT WRENCHING TWISTED FUCKERS KNOWN AS DEMONS!!!!!!!!!!

Demons are sneaky little bastards, they have no one specific form. They can be anything, everything and nothing all at once. Demons are born of insecurities, doubt and trauma mixed with a little self-bullying and topped with a cherry filled with low self-esteem and misplaced frustration. This bitch thrives in the darkest parts of your brain YOU didn’t know existed.

Here’s the fucked up twist of it all. When we felt insecure, a little doubtful or experienced trauma and said something, we were met, with someone else’s malicious demon that said stuff like; “don’t worry in a month nobody will talk about it anymore/everyone has problems not just you/get over it/shit happens/you outgrow these things man don’t worry so much/how can you be stressed and tired you’re a child/seriously your life is not that hard girl/dude” and my favourite “Grow up”.

As teenagers we don’t know any better and shrug shit off as told and move on with life, suppressing those insecurities, pushing doubt aside and pretending the trauma isn’t real. We all do it, even as grown-ups.

(Side note: to those thinking “that never happened to me/my life was and is awesome/you don't know what you’re talking about”. Yeah! Congratulations you won an ice-cream toaster and are a well put together grown up that thinks they don’t have demons… Keep reading, stop reading, it’s all the same to me. These are MY thoughts and opinions and my demons will still be relevant to me with or without your continued participation.) To those who are still here, thanks for reading, here’s an old school smiley for ya ;-)

I digress.

Now if you think about that little kid that once adapted to the notion of bravery to survive or adapted to the notion of honesty to survive. Either are instinctive reactions to survival of self.

So neither reaction is right or wrong but rather, an adaptation to survive, right?!

Now as a grownup, no matter what our demons are or who they represent, they are those insecurities, doubts and traumatic moments we refuse to acknowledge and so often suppress.

The longer we do this, the darker and heavier it becomes and just like we keep adapting to survive, so will our demons.

People you know that once had visible demons and they’re just fabulously living life to the fullest now. Their demons are not gone, they’ve just accepted their demons for what they are and allow their demons to exist BUT without control.

So their insecurities, doubt and trauma no longer consume them and that’s somewhere I wish to be someday.

PROBLEM!

Most of us have a fun demon too, that we don’t even know, IS ONE!

You know that exhilarating feeling that’s filled with suspense and anticipation when you’ve made a sibling/friend coffee/tea and put salt in instead of sugar and then laughed your ass off when they made a grossed out face or that kid in class you laughed at so hard snot came out your nose (yes, that kid that just popped into your head). Remember that feeling of exhilaration and blissful happiness…

That right there is the worst demon of all. Blissful happiness.

This demon keeps us on a tight leash, we’re constantly looking for it, trying to figure it out, pining after it, thinking it will result from shit we do for others, saying we’ll know we’ve got it when we get there and most importantly, BELIEVING we will attain it someday and we will die trying.

Blissful happiness is conceptual and a construct of someone else’s delusional definition.

This demon will fuck you over every time, as long as you believe in this empty construct.

To me the only “blissful happiness” comes from acknowledging, accepting and understanding our demon adaptations.

So eventually…

We can outwit the fuckers. *evil grin