Perspective

Such an easy word to say but not many understand the meaning. Some will say the meaning is to have a different point of view to something or someone. I think that there is an exceptional amount of ways to define each person’s experience of the word, though I also feel that perspective cannot be diminished to a simple change in someone’s view point.

I recently went through quite an intense perspective change, if one can simple say it like that.

My 'view point' of the world before, was that it is of utmost importance to make things work. No matter the cost. Whether the cost I paid was physical, emotional or mental. Abiding by the rules the way they were given to me by someone else's definition of it. Living my every day in a routine that was indirectly implanted in my life by the way society operates today. Doing simple things in a specific order and planning for the next move that had to be done. Making 'to do' list and making sure that financially I would be 'happy'. Setting aside my own beliefs to the point where I forgot what they were or what I stood for. Breaking my own rules to accommodate others and their well-being or their beliefs. Holding back the words that would give me relief to preserve the efficiently of a belief that wasn't mine. My perspective was that the world operated at such an exponential rate that no-one had enough time. Every day there would be a few dozen people uttering the words ' I don't have time right now' and this we would bring home to our families and children as well ' not now sweetie, mommy is busy but I promise we'll play later'. Making empty promises and telling little white lies to just 'get it done' or stop the nagging child. Constantly feeling stressed, overwhelmed and worried that this and that won’t work out. Living with all the 'what if's' that clutter our minds every day. Telling ourselves that we'll take this weekend off and just relax. While we are relaxing we're making 'to do' list in our heads or trying to remember everything that still needs to be done. This is not relaxing nor is it healthy.

The mind is an extraordinary tool that we basically abuse every day. We view this life as we think it should be. Our perception of life has been extremely altered by lies we tell ourselves every day. It is not easy to actually notice that we're doing this because its already muscle memory and a formed habit of years of abuse to our minds and our screwed up perception of what life, love, relaxing, quality time and beauty is.

Take a moment and just look around you. Look at where your hands are. Look at your computer screen or your notes in front of you. Even while some of you are reading this post you're busy making list or multitasking thinking about work. Try and think what was the last words you said to a loved one this morning. Think about when was the last time you actually stopped to appreciate what you have. Take a moment to appreciate your hard work and be grateful. Yes, you worked hard for what you have but why are you paying the harsh price of not being able to enjoy everything you've earned thus far. Ask yourself why you're doing what you're doing at this very moment and if it’s worth the stress and worry. Ask yourself if it’s beneficial to your health or happiness.

My personal experience of perspective is more than I can bear to type out in words or even speak about but I am hoping that by expressing myself in this post I might help someone else. And perhaps make them pay attention to their perspective of life.

After spending a grueling three weeks in hospital and not seeing the outside world. Thinking I would be confined to the living space I was given, a sitting area and allocated visiting times as per any other hospital rules. From the very first day at the hospital the 'rules' that were in place were very different yet similar. Thinking I would be restricted to my bed or room. I wasn't. Thinking I would need to keep to myself and there would be scheduled doctor visits. This wasn't the case. The nursing staff was not only there to help with medical assistance or to administer medication, they were exceptional at helping with whatever I needed. Whether it was someone to talk to or just to sit with me when I felt the loneliness setting in of missing my family and needed to cry. I was shown how to pay attention to the little things that we miss every day in our lives and how to slow down. What I thought was important before seemed so insignificant compared to what I saw and learnt in my stay. Everyday seeing different people struggling quietly in pain, not wanting to burden anyone as we are corrupted to usually thinking this is the right way to deal with things. In some quiet struggles a nurse would come up to you and just hug you. This would either make you cry because of the burden you're attempting to control or it would make you smile because that hug is exactly what you needed in that moment to make the burden feel lighter.

I learnt that happiness is not something or anything for that matter. Being genuinely happy is how your perception of life is seen. While in hospital I got to know a few extraordinary people struggling with far worse than I what I was going through and even though these people struggled tremendously to speak or eat or if they were in so much pain their tears would be apparent through a courageous smile. The sense of humor on these people was heart-warming and eye opening. It was both heart breaking and beautiful to see someone struggle to do simple things that we take for granted every day, but have the biggest attempt at a smile every moment they could spare. While getting to know one of them my curiosity got the better of me and I just had to ask what the motivation they had to keep going was. In the most simplest and perspective changing words they said ' I just look at it from a different perspective' this obviously sparked the curiosity further and I asked what they meant, to which they responded ' with my disease there is no cure at the moment all the doctors can do is manage my pain, however even though I know that my life span is significantly shorter doesn't mean that I need to live in pain. I am in pain but the rest of my life doesn't need to be painful'. Still baffled by this statement I sat quietly without responding trying to logically make sense of what this person just said when I hear a giggle. The person saw me all puzzled by what they said so they gave me a little challenge and said' with your next visiting hour for 30 minutes try and see the world the way your little one does '.They stood up and in the struggle to stand up with all the pain that this person was in they still found it in them to sing. Needless to say that I was utterly impressed by this person’s strength.

As visiting hours was approaching I thought I’d give it a try to see what was meant by observing the world like a child does. The result of this challenge was both emotional and a learning moment for me.

Children are vessels of truth they don't possess the worry or burden of responsibility so their view of the world is pure in delight. They see the magic, colors and most fascinating things that we as adults no-longer notice. Time to a child is precious and they make the most of it. I can honestly say that just listening without the need to respond and just observing without the need to correct behavior was absolutely wonderful to experience. We often don't take the time to stop and just spend quality time with our kids or other peoples kids for that matter.

At visiting hours my son came up to greet me and gave me the biggest hug, until this moment I hadn't noticed just how much that hug meant to him. Then I would ask him about his day and just listening to what he had to say with all the imagination he had, how he described things that he'd done. Made me tear up and he asked 'Mommy, what's wrong?, did I say something naughty?' this made me want to cry even more but I tried to hold back my tears enough to answer and I said ' It's happy tears baby.' he then went to play but with every moment in between playing he would come hold my hand, or touch my knee while I was sitting talking to his dad, any form of physical connection that I hadn't noticed until that little challenge.

When it was time to leave after visiting hours, he hugged me tightly again and gave me a kiss on the cheek saying 'my kisses is magic and going to make mommy better'. My heart broke instantly and I realized in that moment that we as adults don't realize that when we tell our kids little white lies or make empty promises just how much it affects them.

My perspective now is to look at the world like a child does and see the magic, see the beauty every day and feel the emotions that we have wholeheartedly even if those emotions make us cry. To know that happiness cannot be earned or bought but it has to be felt. That forgiveness is not for the benefit of your enemy but so that you can move forward. Most importantly to clean out those bad habits and lies we tell ourselves so we can learn what unconditional love is, so we can learn to live and not just survive.

So the next time you smile its because you feel the difference in your life and your perspective of the world you live in has honestly made you grow as a person.

Be grateful and laugh more.